I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
