Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
