Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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