Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
