I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
