You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
COCAINE IS GR8
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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