Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
