Small penises have feelings too.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
