What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
