just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
