I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
