She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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