nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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