Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
