my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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