This girl is more easily done than said...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
