Fuck appropriateness.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
