I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
