1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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