This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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