Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
