I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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