It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
