I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
