it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
