I feel like abortions should bother me more
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
