so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
