just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
jump out the window naked night went bad
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