It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
