before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize