You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
