yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
