just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
