I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
