I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
