You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
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Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
