i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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