I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
