I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize