the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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