Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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