I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
