"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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