people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize