a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
