umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
