im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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