I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
