I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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