More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
