he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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