i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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