Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize