i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
