Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am one with the molecules
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
