This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just threw up on my dentist
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You made out with two different species that night
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
