I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
