he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
