but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
