Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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