Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize