...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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