WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
