Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
there is glitter all over my balls
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