How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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