She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
