I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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