We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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