Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize