So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
