At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
