some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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