I got chris browned last night
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
