doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
