Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
