i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
