I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
