im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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