Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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