No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Of course I have a pirate flag
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
