so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
