The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize